Falling in Love with Myself

 

Often, you hear adults refer to their college years, or high school as the golden years or glory days. For me, the opposite is true. I can stand here and say that in my late twenties, I am experiencing a love affair…with myself.

As a girl whose always just been a bit outside of the realm of the popularity, a girl whose always been big boned and curvy, a girl whose always been more than a little goofy…I definitely did not always fit in. I struggled, especially through middle school and high school. I was not always a happy person, as a result I was not always a great daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend. It is difficult to give your best self to those you love, when you do not necessarily love yourself.

Love is a tricky concept. I have always found it fairly easy to love my family, friends and wife unconditionally. Even when they drive me up a wall, and with my family full of strong personalities, that happens, I love them completely. I have not always found it so easy to love me.

I am not sure when that began to change, but somewhere around 21 or 22, I began to realize that I had some toxic friends and relationships. I let those people stay around me because I’m not very good at ending things and also because I let people treat me poorly. I let people judge me and I let myself take those judgements to heart.

Things slowly began to change, and with time I began to surround myself with people that lifted me up in life. I began to develop true, deep friendships. The kind that last through distance and time. I found someone worthy of my heart, who loved me as much I should have always been loving myself.

So, this year, I am making a promise. Not to cut myself down because I still have a few extra pounds. Not to cut myself down because the idea of a conventional 9 to 5 job makes me cringe more than I can really say. This year, I am going to celebrate all the things I love about being me. I am going to take time to nurture those things and build them up. To celebrate joy at every turn. This is my year to shed the darkness.

I think I have always found the things that set me apart from the popular crowd a bit comforting. It made it easy to hide in my shell. Now, I find those things inspiring, because I am unique. I am worthy of joy..and so are you.

So here’s to….

• being a complete and total book nerd and finding solace in the library.
• understanding words better than people sometimes.
• loving country music and rock belonging to the decades before I was born.
• having amazing friends and crazy, loving family.
• wanting to make a living being creative.
• being completely in love with my life
• being the kind of girl who takes her wife on dates to the park and spends hours on the playground

What makes you, you? What are you celebrating these days?